I am 28 and married to a wonderful man, but I harbour a lot of anger and bitterness towards my mother. I love and respect her, even though her behaviour is appalling.
I am an only child and she is a single mother. She drinks a lot and parties like she is 20, yet she is 50.
Before I got married, she used say that my husband was a waste of time; that I should date sugar daddies. To add insult to injury, she criticised the money I used to give her, saying that a mere Sh.2,000 was peanuts.
It really hurt, considering I did not have a well-paying job at the time.
In 2018, I discovered that she was pregnant and she begged me to give her money to procure an abortion, which I did. I regret it to date.
The following year, 2019, was great. I was blessed with a well paying job and I decided to move out because I couldn’t take my mum’s behaviour any more.
In early 2020, I decided to give her some capital to start a business. She drank all the money. I was so hurt and disappointed, I swore never to give her a single coin.
By the grace of God, I finally got married and had a big beautiful wedding. She has not stopped drinking and still parties like there is no tomorrow.
I just ask myself where she gets the money as she is jobless. Is this the way parents should behave? I have tried talking to her but my message falls on deaf ears. Please advise.
First, I must commend you for honouring your mother. Whatever she does or life she lives, God expects us to honour our parents. We will definitely struggle with their behaviour and the choices they make. She has the right to her choices, but with every choice are consequences.
Second, I pray that you do not judge her but seek to model for her what is acceptable behaviour. Try and not allow her to interfere with your marriage. Her interference could mean the beginning of problems.
You and your husband should determine what kind of support she needs to get. Be clear about your expectations. This will help to draw the boundaries. The Bible warns against abandoning our relatives, but there is also a place of responsible behaviour on their part.
Finally, there could be reason why your mother has fallen into this habit. You could also seek the support of a counsellor on her dependence on alcohol.